Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hello, criminals? You picked the wrong neighborhood

I sleep with a baseball bat beside my bed. A steel baseball bat. I also keep my car alarm on my night table and have trigger alarms on my patio doors and windows. Oh, and I have our dog, a 165 pound beast no stranger wants to meet in the dark. Which brings me to what happened a few nights ago...

Three semi-inebriated young guys broke into our neighbor's truck, stole their GPS system, then egged my living room window while arguing about whether or not they should break into our house next. My husband and one of the neighbor kids (who had his bedroom window open) heard them.

It was late and I was hanging up wet laundry when I heard a few crashes (eggs being pitched at my living room window.) By the time I made it upstairs all I saw was my husband's foot going out the front door along with the flash of a steel baseball bat. I followed, carrying damp laundry and a clothes hanger. I heard my husband yell, stepped onto the front porch and saw the back end of him disappear through the trees. I also heard a voice say, "Holy ----! We're in trouble!"

Running, I followed all the way to the end of our street and when I caught up to my husband, he and our neighbors were already breaking into groups to hunt down the culprits (who, in their haste, had dropped the stolen GPS system.)

Hello, thieves? You picked the wrong neighborhood to launch careers as criminals. My husband's a marathoner who can run like stink without adrenaline. And that truck you broke into? The guy who owns it manages the firehouse and that was a thermal camera he was using to track your progress through the bush. And that tall guy who joined my husband searching for you as you huddled down by the river, crapping your pants? He has his black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

Oh, and that woman carrying wet laundry and a clothes hanger? Consider yourself lucky you managed to get away and didn't have to contend with her. Trust me, she's worse than all of them put together when she's mad.

P.S. We know where you live.

14 comments:

laughingwolf said...

lol ...can just see the buggers spitting out wet laundry in the cop shop! :O

one can never be too careful any more, used to be we never locked our back door... these days it's bolted!

ChrisEldin said...

OMG, I'm glad you're okay. But what a posse (is that how you spell it?)

Glad also you can find some humor in it.

Travis Erwin said...

Crime might not pay but it does make a compelling blog that now has me smiling.

wordman17 said...

Oooh, yah, that coat hanger would hurt when walloped with it upside the head, wouldn't it?

LOL ** Betcha they really were crapping their drawers!!!

Adam said...

Note to stalkers: No matter how much one admires Ms. Kennedy she keeps a steel baseball bat beside her bed and can work wonders with wet laundry!

Ramona said...

Oh my! I would have been too scared to follow my hubby down the street, clothes hanger or not.
Good for you guys.

P.S. Love the thermal camera idea

Kim Stagliano said...

Your neighborhood sounds like it would make a hot calendar! Glad you're OK.

spyscribbler said...

You get 'em!

Chumplet said...

Good thing they were just hooligan wannabe's. What a bunch of nincompoops!

I hope you didn't drop any damp undies on the road during the big chase. Wouldn't that be a lovely find for the paper boy in the morning!

Chumplet said...

I changed my template a couple of weeks ago and just realized it's the same as yours! Great minds think alike...

ORION said...

YOu go girl!!
Now tell me that this is going in one of your novels...

Melissa Marsh said...

Holy cow! Yes, glad you're all ok and it wasn't some career criminal trying to make a score instead of a bunch of drunk idiots.

I keep a baseball bat under my bed, too. :-)

Dawn Anon said...

wow... somehow my comment from the other day never made it to the blog! Another comment lost in space.


well... I said something like: i'm really glad everyone is okay......and... if you come up with a story about modern-day vigilantes...we'll know how the idea came to be!

:)

Patry Francis said...

I'm moving into your neighborhood! After this, it's probably the safest in America.