Monday, June 11, 2007

I'll serve Paris Hilton's sentence for her!

So Paris Hilton is in jail, huh?
Isolated from the general population. Spending 23 hours alone every day for the next 45 days. Nobody pestering her. No phones. No email or text messages. No one tugging on her arm demanding food, complaining about their laundry, begging her to referee an argument, asking for help with their homework,
telling her the cat just threw up.

Ahhhh, the isolation. All that quiet time. A bathroom when you need it. Three square meals a day. An hour to exercise. A clean orange jumpsuit to change into every morning. A doctor on hand to over-prescribe if you start having anxiety attacks or your PMS becomes unlivable. Hey, if you're lucky, maybe you'd even get your own pet mouse living in your cell, undetected.

Someone please call that judge and tell him I'll switch places
and serve out her sentence for her! As long as he lets me bring my laptop, I'll be on the next flight. Sigh... Honestly, though, I can't imagine what I'd be able to write if I were left utterly and completely alone for 45 days!


ORION said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I have been following this story all day. They have been trying to identify the psychological problem Paris has...I know what it is.
It's a huge TANTRUM!!!
Jeeze the media needs to give it a rest and the judge needs to make her stay in jail...
"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time..."

Katie Alender said...

Pat is right, it's just a hissyfit of world-class proportions. As a very wise friend pointed out, Paris is thrilled to be the center of the media's attention when she's partying sans underpants, but suddenly she goes to jail and she's scolding us for our frivolous taste in news.

Holly, if you went to jail, I'd send you a care package. Mouse food or something.

Katie Alender said...

Why did I call Patricia "Pat"? It just slipped out. Sorry, Patricia!

Holly Kennedy said...

It's okay.
I call her Pat all the time.
I've NEVER called her Patricia.
I don't think she'd answer me!!!!!
Right, Pat?! *lol*

wordman17 said...

You just described my
life (sans the orange
jumpsuit and the mouse).
It's not so bad.
Lots of silence.
My own company.
Blogs to visit.
Who can complain?

Anissa said...

Holly! LOL! I almost fell out of my chair! I'm with ya. :)

Food, toilet and a laptop...what more do you need? Well, a little coffee would be nice. ;)

ORION said...


Pat is my "secret" name...very few people know it.
Please don't tell.

kyla-dale said...

Kripes! How do you get
your writing done with all
that activity? I would go insane!!
I have two cats and a roommate and I feel like renting a hotel room when I'm writing cuz I can't
THINK with all the noise.

Does it get easier with each book you write? Do you get totally bitchy with everone??!

L.C.McCabe said...


Don't tell me that your Canadian news is polluted with this stuff as well?

Honestly, I start wondering if there is a massive conspiracy to obliterate coverage of the real newsworthy stuff by having the Michael Jackson/Britney Spears/Paris Hilton crapola suck all the oxygen out of the room.

News of General Peter Pace not being renominated to serve another term as the Joint Chief of Staff was released on Friday, but any thoughtful discussion of that development was lost in the media firestorm over a spoiled brat in an orange jump suit.

Yeeeeesh. Good thing I was traveling last Friday when her bony white butt was hauled back into court. I was only exposed to it briefly when we stopped for lunch and the fast food place had a tv blaring with CNN.

I do however, understand your desire about wanting A Room of Your Own with no distractions.


Larramie said...

Now that's putting this "Paris thing" into perspective! Last week, Holly, you mentioned how you create "stories" about strangers even while waiting at a red light, and now I truly believe you. *G*

The Anti-Wife said...

Wow! Just when I'm starting to think I lead a dull and boring life, you publish this and it reminds me of the truly lovely, quiet and peaceful place my home is.

By the way, did you hear that Paris has found religion? Apparently she spilled to Baba Wawa that God has spoken to her and when she is sprung from the klink, she's going to devote herself to good causes.

I'm taking bets on how long that lasts - especially with the additional news that her parents are planning a $50,000 release party for her in Vegas.

Travis Erwin said...

As i type this I'm seven hundred miles from home on the fifteenth floor of a Hilton hotel, and since they are charging me ten bucks day for internet access (work is paying for the room) I guess in some small way I'm helping to pay Paris's lawyer fees.

Something about that irks me.

mcewen said...

It's difficult to decide if I'd be productive or merely go insane - close shave either way.

Holly Kennedy said...

Wordman17 -- I envy your life!

Anissa -- Valid point. Note to smuggle in a few pounds of espresso and a machine :)

Orion -- BIG secret hotshot!
I think everyone KNOWS already that you're only Patricia to your dad when he's upset with you (good guess?) and otherwise, you're PAT!

Kyla-dale -- No, it doesn't get easier with each book, but I do get trickier about knowing how to 'beat the system' (meaning my families habits, etc.) Bribes, threats, and .... working late into the night when they're asleep!!!

Holly Kennedy said...

Linda -- So nice to hear from you! Yes, her bony white butt is on the news up here as well and it leaves me shaking my head. She's talented in WHAT area again?!

Larramie -- Doesn't all the 'woe is me' coverage about her make you nuts?

Anti-wife -- Paris has found religion? Less than 24 hours after they dragged her bag to jail, she was a completely changed person. Stunning but complete garbage. Someone's paying her publicist to put a major spin on all of this.

Travis -- It irks me, too.
Everything about this irks me.

Holly Kennedy said...

Mcewen -- I think I could be productive as all get out, and then, after 45 days, I'd appreciate my family like crazy!

Kim Stagliano said...

AMEN! Wasn't it the Joint Chiefs of Staff who was forced out last week and the news cut into the story to report on the vapid happenings of a 25 year old spoiled brat with the brain power of a the crushed deer I saw on the Merrit Parkway yesterday. ENOUGH MEDIA! There are Americans dying in Iraq. There are children going to bed hungry in American cities. There is a trial for autism and vaccines that has major implications for many of us. There is a BIG BAD WORLD out there beyond Paris and Britney and other dingbats who aren't worth the powder it would take to blow them across the street.

Sorry, rough night in autism land here. I'll stop now.

Kim Stagliano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim steps off soapbox said...

By the way, I look terrible in orange. If I take the quiet cell may I have a blue jumpsuit??

Dawn said...

Any room for a cell mate? I'm quiet, housetrained and wouldn't borrow your orange jumpsuit without your permission.

Paris Hilton is all over the news out here in New Zealand too.

LadyBronco said...

The isolation would be wonderful, Holly...

I don't think I can go with the cavity search, tho...(:-0

Anonymous said...

The Man is wondering why I'm struggling to stay on the couch as I laugh

Melissa Marsh said...

I would probably go nuts. I can take a few days of solitude, but 45 days without any interruptions? Wow. I'd be certifiably loony.

Jess Riley said...

Ha! A pet mouse. I think you're on to something here: a little jailtime might be good for Paris.

PS: I LOVED your impromptu in-store signing story! How fantastic.

Demon Hunter said...

That is a good idea, Holly. The isolation, that is. Not the media CONSTANTLY talking about Paris---who cares? She's a bubble-headed idiot!